Now anyone sane would have put together blood, gore and shuffling as = WTFBBQ ZOMBIES!!!!! But since we are witless morons, that shit just doesn’t compute fast enough. So there was Asskicker being grabbed by zombie Al, and the rest of us screaming like little girls.
Bossman: omg omg omg omg omg omg AAAAA!Masterchief: What the shit! AAAAA!
Arbiter: I need to take a dump. AAAAA!
As AK’s struggle for life and death ensued, he finally realized this was no drunk dude, this was A zombeh. Dodging the zombies wild lunges, he did the thing he knew would bring down any living organism in this world. KICK ITS FUCKING NUTS. Which had catastrophic results to AK. As this was not obvious enough already.
Asskicker: Why wont…*nut kick* you…*nut kick* go..*nut kick* down!
MC: HEEYY! AK get back here! You’re going to get yourself killed, which is fine, if only this story needed just three dudes to survive.
AB: Yeah, come on before they swarm you like flies, to a piece of shit.
AK: OKAY, enough with teh insults already!...*runs*
We the protagonist’s are now clearly aware of the danger around us, fucking zombies everywhere! Everything beyond the bridge that connects us to the city is now swamped with the dead.
AB: We have to warn our families, friends and loved ones.
BM: Didn’t everyone leave for town for that free luncheon the Mayor was throwing for the coming elections?
AB: Forget that shit, lets GTFO, they’re already dead.
MC & AK: KK
Alas when this kind of crisis besets you, you have to go on “ME” mode. Fuck everyone else is the moral lesson here. IF the crisis is a goddamned ZOMBEH crisis.
BM: Okay game-plan, we skip town and head for the hills. Done.
AK: A sound plan if I ever heard one.
MC: Are you both retarded?! That’s it?
AB: Like, aren’t we going to go looting and stuff?
Come on, at some point in our lives we dreamt of looting the crap out of those stores with those expensive sneakers, shirts, cell-phones etc. So it really does all come into play in a zombie apocalypse, the urge to loot. Anarchy, screaming, chaos, what better time to rob the local grocery of everything, amirite?
BM: Cut the chatter. Shhh.
AB: What?
BM: I’m texting.
MC: Shit, look! *points to bridge*
AK: That is a fuckload of zombies! I’m outta here.
AB: Not good, they’re running right at us! FUCK!!!
See, in our story zombies can RUN, for like as long as rigor mortis hasn’t set in yet. Something like that, just don’t ask me how. So there we were running for our sad pathetic little lives. 5 minutes into the sprint.
MC: Damn, my *gasp* legs are *gasp killing* me.
AB: No shit, I think I crapped myself.
BM: SRSLY?
AK: Come on were close to the next town, keep pushing.
AB: My feces? I know it ever..
AK: STFU
BM: I heard there was some sort of temporary military outpost over there.
Now in all zombie flicks we know the first “military outpost/haven” is almost always guaranteed to be overrun with zombies. Always. Let that sink in for a moment.
BM: Fuck, that horde of a thousand zombies is just right behind us!!!!
AB: Goddamn! Were dead.
MC: And I am tired like *vomits*
Ewww… well that just adds to the grit of the story amirite?
AK: Look! Over there the bridge to the next town, but somebody blew it up.
MC: I think we can jump over it.
AB: No time to think shitheads just jump..*jumps*
BM: Are you sure we can clear that….? What..? Shit!!
MC: Stop whining…!! *holds BM and slings him across*
AK: *deep breaths* lets get this over with *jumps*
AB: Come on MC jump! They’re right behind you!!
MC: Wait I think I dropped something..
OMFG JUMP ALREADY!!!!
Okay I think my balls are sweating from the excitement from all that. No not really. We’ll be continuing this next time as I’ve exhausted my brain juice over this. MOAR to come soon.
