Lights out for this Blog

For the moment only anyway, I'm looking for bloggers who are willing to contrib00t to this fine, upstanding blog. Since I have too much of a life to waste spending it here, it would be mutually beneficial to co-blog and less stressful to say the least.

Goddamn stress can do this.

Another Week

I really hate Monday's. I hate dragging my ass out of bed to do anything, except to take a piss or dump of course. Anyway, time to get this week rolling, starting with leaving with you this pic to PONDER on, while you waste time here.

Wat

Teh Internets (Part 2)

Search engines, Google being foremost. What will you do with out them? since it seems everyone lately has suddenly forgot how the fuck to type URL's and web addresses. Trust me, you're probably using google more then you think, to find pr0n for example. It's pretty good at it. GOOGLE some pr0n now.

Google knows whats best for you.

User and Child friendly as well...

..,I spoke too soon.

Suggestions.

In the future, google will even run your life for you.

Conclusion. Google's contribution to mankind.

Teh Internets (Part I)

This is something new that I'm trying in order to reach out to all you n00bs in the internetz. Since you fucking lack the patience and the mental capacity to read ANYTHING longer then a paragraph, I figured pictures would do the trick. I aim to give you a crash course on the internets and everything that comes along with it. Remember, the internets is serious business, ALWAYS keep that in mind. So we'll start Part 1 now, the next ones will not be as text heavy as this anymore, I swear (because apparently "text heavy" for you morons is TWO sentences).  I know you little shits stopped reading after the first phrase, if you read up to HERE, give yourself a pat in the back, you are not a complete failure in life after all.

What YOU typically think the inhabitants of the internets are....

.....when actually everyone is like THIS, the rest are...

....THESE.

(Note: Aside from stories we also provide free goddamn public service. How convenient for you. All the more you should FOLLOW this blog. ) 

Seduzir e Tragedia (Short Story)

It all started when our predictably heroic protagonist, Caleb, woke up in a fantastic pumpkin patch. It was the second time it had happened. Feeling really pleased, Caleb groped a potato, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). As if it really mattered he realized that his beloved Key was missing!  Immediately he called his overtly elitist, rich friend, Raven. Caleb had known Raven for (plus or minus) 1.2 billion years, the majority of which were flamboyant ones.  Raven was unique. She was clever though sometimes a little... dimwitted. Caleb called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Raven picked up to a very calm Caleb. Raven calmly assured him that most Indonesian devil cats cringe before mating, yet albino cats usually wildly yawn *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Caleb.  Why was Raven trying to distract Caleb? because she had snuck out from Calebs’ with the Key only ten days prior.  It was a curious little Key... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Caleb got back to the subject at hand: his Key. Raven grimaced. Reluctantly, Raven invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Key. Caleb grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Raven realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Key and she had to do it deftly. She figured that if Caleb took the curb-jumping ghetto sled (Impala), she had, give or take, at least eleven minutes before Caleb would get there.  But what if he took the Asskicker?  Then Raven would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Raven was interrupted by eight clueless Bulbasaurs’ that were lured by her Key. Raven sneezed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling pleased, she thoughtfully reached for her dangerous oil-soaked rag and aimlessly grabbed every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief.  That's when she heard the Asskicker rolling up.  It was Caleb.

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at the grocery to pick up a 12-pack of ninja stars, so he knew he was running late.  With a hasty leap, Caleb was out of the Asskicker and went scandalously jaunting toward Raven's front door.  Meanwhile inside,  Raven was panicking.  Not thinking, she tossed the Key into a box of gerbils and then slid the box behind her George Foreman grill. Raven was puzzled but at least the Key was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Raven explosively purred.  With a inept push, Caleb opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some annoying noble genius in a best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan,' he lied.  'It's fine,' Raven assured him. Caleb took a seat about two saucy furlongs from where Raven had hidden the Key. Raven turned red trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness.  'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted.  But Caleb was distracted. Happy as a frickin' monkey, Raven noticed an annoying look on Caleb's face. Caleb slowly opened his mouth to speak.

 '...What's that smell?'

Raven felt a stabbing pain in her scalp when Caleb asked this.  In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Key right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what?  I don't smell anything..!'  A lie.  A pestering look started to form on Caleb's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ninja stars from when she used to have pet albino cats.  She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Caleb nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Raven could react, Caleb thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it.  The Key was plainly in view.

Caleb stared at Raven for what must've been eleven seconds. A few unfulfilled decades later, Raven groped charismatically in Caleb's direction, clearly desperate. Caleb grabbed the Key and bolted for the door.  It was locked. Raven let out a saucy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Caleb,' she rebuked. Raven always had been a little clueless, so Caleb knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Raven did something crazy, like... start chucking wolverines at him or something. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, he gripped his Key tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Raven looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Caleb. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Caleb. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. Raven walked over to the window and looked down. Caleb was gone.

Just yonder, Caleb was struggling to make his way through the imaginary desert behind Raven's place. Caleb had severely hurt his ear during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral Bulbasaurs’ suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Key.  One by one they latched on to Caleb.  Already weakened from his injury, Caleb yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Bulbasaurs’ running off with his Key.

About seven hours later, Caleb awoke, his kidney throbbing.  It was dark and Caleb did not know where he was.  Deep in the uninhabited haunted thicket, Caleb was very lost. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, he remembered that his Key was taken by the Bulbasaurs’. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life.  That's when, to his horror, a huge Bulbasaur’ emerged from the swamp.  It was the alpha Bulbasaur. Caleb opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Bulbasaur sunk its teeth into Caleb's love handle. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Caleb's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a total failure.

 Less than seven miles away, Raven was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Key.  'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened dull pencil.  With a careful thrust, she buried it deeply into her ear.  As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Caleb... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him.  But she would die alone that day.  All that remained was the Key that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise.  And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Bulbasaurs, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come.

 Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead.  So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

LOLz!!1 

(Note: So you thought this was going to be some shitty mushy romantic story huh? Random as hell. Too bad it turned out to be a tragedy. I was not on any mind-altering drugs when I made this. Though it MIGHT look like that way. Edited AGAIN. Mudou o Estúpido foto e título.)

Space Voyage 3000 (Episode 2)

The saga continues in this episode, where we left off. After accidentally incinerating all the major leaders of the world, we find our heroine hurtling out of earths’ atmosphere practically WITHOUT any guidance whatsoever with the ground control, because fuck that, Alice has a DVD tutorial to fly this ship anyway.

Thankfully auto-pilot kicks in as she exits the atmosphere for mandatory refueling on earths’ largest space-station. The Orion.

Alice: That is one big-ass..thingy..what is that anyway? O_o *scratching head*

ShipAI: *generic male AI voice* Miss Alice, that is The Orion the  most highly advanced space platform. It is mans attempt to establish a frontier from which it will serve as an optimum..

A: What the hell are you?

SAI: I am your ships’ Artificial Intelligence, at your service. I am here to assist you in your endeavors to save humanity from destruction.

A: Can you put MTV on?

SAI: Yes, but we are currently on a docking trajectory with the Orion, It will require all my resou..

A: *puts on DVD tutorial* Where was that command thing again…oh there it is..Command OVERRIDE

SAI: *SYSTEM OVERRIDE*

A: I want MTV.

SAI: Switching to TV mode. *Display: MTV*

A: Shit, I missed Jersey Shore.

Even on Earth refueling mid-air and even between ships is HIGHLY dangerous. So instead of focusing on spotless precision to avoid catastrophe, the logical thing Alice would do is to divert the ships’ docking efforts into watching Jersey Shore.

God help us all

WARNING: Watching Jersey Shore will degrade your brain so much that speech impairment and loss of cerebral function is 100% guaranteed in minutes.

SAI: Miss Alice we are in an incorrect trajectory to the Orion. If not corrected we will soon be on an OPTIMAL collision course.

A: Shhh..quiet it’s Gagas’ 900th year tribute.

It’s the year 3000 remember? That abomination is long dead.

SAI: WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING collision in 5..

A: What is all the commotion there?

“There” because Alice is in the living quarters. Not giving a fuck about the ongoing emergency. Or is just REALLY utterly clueless.

SAI: 4..

TheOrion: Jesus! GTFO GTFO

A: *Storms out to cockpit* I said what is..

SAI: 3..2..

A: Oh shit X_X

SAI: ..1 Brace for Impact. We are Fucked. *System Error*

The explosion could be seen throughout the western hemisphere, but since the world has already gone bat-shit insane after the unfortunate demise of the world leaders. People just shrugged it off as ambient noise, as they were too busy looting, pillaging and basically killing each other. 

Meanwhile exactly 12 minutes later…and no Alice is not dead.

Alice: Urrgh my head.*crawling*

ShipAI: Considering we would have likely perished, you are lucky to have only suffered a scratch and a broken nail.  

A: Huh, lucky me then. Whew. ;D

SAI: Yes lucky you. Not so for the 1,200 souls who lost their lives on the Orion.

A: Oh my gosh. Can they still be saved?

Stupidity at its highest degree.

SAI: *System Error: Processing* *Does not Compute* They are DEAD. PASSED ON. DECEASED.

A: Ohhh…

SAI: There is no time to mourn, we have more urgent matters to attend to.

A: Like what? Speak up

Unbeknownst to Alice “Speak up” is a command protocol that will allow the AI to say whatever the fuck it wants to say. HELLO! Now it’s a party!

SAI: *Disengages Auto-Eloquence* Ship has sustained 90% damage, Primary thrusters Offline, Oxygen Levels are Critical, We are leaking shit in space. This situation we are in is FUBAR.

 A: Is it bad? What’s fubar?

Example of a FUBAR situation.

SAI: You just cannot grasp the enormity of the situation can you? (Fucked Up Beyond All Reason)

A: Whoa, what with the attitude? So what IS the situation.

SAI: We will implode, die and become space debris in exactly 3 min and 41 seconds.

A: Okay, what’s the good news? :D

SAI: We will implode, die and become space debris in exactly 3 min and 39 seconds.

A:  ಥ_ಥ

Suddenly their ship shakes violently and Alice stumbles into the cockpit.

A: What NOW?? Can’t I die in peace? WTF is that?

SAI: That is a Super Massive Blackhole. Now we are really, really dead.

A: Crap 

The SagaS Continue and Moar

Writers block is irrelevant when you have half a dozen goddamn people sharing their thoughts and ideas to you. So here's "Space Voyage 3000" Ep2 now, and ZDDAD (ZombieDiaryDawnApocalypseDead) Ep3 coming up a little later. Hell I'm already hard at work on "After Darkness" Prologue 2 as we speak, expect it soon. We have more random (bullshit) stories coming soon too. Kudos to team (if you can even call it that) RSP!.

Typical brainstorming session.

Like?

Like, like, like, LIEK????

Re: Reply Immediately

When you get e-mails liek this (and assuming you KNOW what it is), why bother going through all teh trouble trolling the scammer in a subtle way? (assuming again that you ARE a good troll of course). Just do this for the lulz, like in the example below.

Space Voyage 3000 (Episode I)

It is the year 3000, and the Earth is in it’s dying throes. For reasons I don’t know but will-come-up-with-shortly. The Earths’ core is about to asplode. So all the world leaders convened to solve this crisis and came up with the ONLY damn way we should deal with problems of this magnitude in a logical and rational manner.

Send a SPACE MARINE into the galaxy and hope for the best.

That he will somehow find a way to save humanity of course, and not have sexy time with hot alien species.

WorldLeader1: I think its time.

WorldLeader2: Inform him nao that, launch is a go. *Tells PA to call the generic space marine*

PersonalAssistant: Hello, yes..what?..okay..shit were doomed.

WorldLeader3: Well? What’s wrong?

PA: Sir, Cpt. John Sherman is dead, he crashed his scooter, was thrown into a little mud puddle and drowned.

WL2: Fuuuuuuusagfdhgfsahgdasfd

WL1: Damn *forehead crinkles* *places hand on forehead* (for added drama)

This is now serious business, the last best hope of earth is dead. But thankfully there’s always a plan B in any plot and this one is no different.

WL1: You there, you ditzy looking girl.

Alice: Me?

WL2: Yes you, how would you like to volunteer for a dangerous mission into the deep dark void of space, from which you might nevar return and that will probably end with you dying in a most gruesome manner.

A: Will I still get my facebook newsfeeds out there?

WL1: Of course.

Apparently in the year 3000 Failbook has spread even into vast reaches of space, like goddamn interstellar cancer. And the whole population of earth has been reduced to the intelligence level of those at 4chan.

A: Yay! Okays, I’m in.

WL1: Good, here’s your space suit and..

A: Wait I don’t know..

WL1: ..A DVD-Blueray with a short tutorial on how to fly your highly advanced ship..

A: But..

WL2: Good luck, make us proud.

Who needs highly skilled individuals to save the world, right? So into the ship Alice was tossed. Meanwhile RIGHT BELOW the spaceships BOOSTER, all the World Leaders were giving some drama inducing speech about life+courage+hope and nyanynyanyan. All the world was watching this momentous occasion.

CommandCenter: So Alice you have 40min before liftoff, if th…

Alice: Ugh, finally. Blast OFF!!! *presses booster ignition*

CC: OMG WTF!! What the hell are you doing?!!! The World Leaders were still down there!

Sadly all inbound communication to Alice was cut the moment the launch began. So she remained oblivious to the fact that she has effectively destroyed all major leadership of the free world. Thanks Alice! now not only will the world asplode, it will descend into anarchy and chaos as well. FUN!

..So next election vo..EAAAARGHHHHH!

Always start the week off with LETHARGY

Its good for you

When you see the FACT Cat pic

< This pic. When you see it below one of the stories here, you know you're dealing with some good stuff. Meaning we put a little work into it. If a story has NO fact cat pic, then its just probably something that came out of our rectums the other day. Which still makes good reading though.

After Darkness (Prologue I)

A cold and relentless gale battered the wasteland that lay before a lone figure cloaked in tattered brown leather. Walking at a steady pace it silently approached a small outcrop.

“Elly? I know you can hear me! The storms getting worse, we should be going now. Elly? Answer me girl!” while he yelled the man slowly adjusted his heavy cloak over his shoulder as the wind was growing stronger by the minute.

“We got to go now, and I ain’t risking my ass for some piece of shit junk”

Another figure emerged from a nearby ruin of shattered columns and walls.

“Jesus Christ, Marcus stop shouting, I’m not deaf, what are you so scared about?, it’s just a wee sandstorm. Like this doesn’t happen all the time.”

“You take things way to easy Elly, reports have been pouring from outlying outposts’ that two patrols have vanished somewhere around here for the past three weeks.”

As Marcus stood up from the outcrop he took shelter from a while ago to meet Elly, it was clear that he was by no means an average man, his height was towering and the build and bulk of his body suggested that he was at top physical condition. That, and his NTW 20, a 64 pound beast of an anti-material rifle, slung over behind him, that is proving not to be of any hindrance to his mobility at all.

“Okay that’s reasonable, but you see I’ve been noticing an increase in seismic activity in this particular area, what’s more disturbing is that..” Ruffling through her rucksack she took a small shiny sphere with various inscriptions in it. “See this? I found this back there, people have been seeing this all over the place lately”

“So it’s a relic from the old world. Like all the rest of this garbage here.” Marcus snorted indignantly.

“Haha!, you caveman, it really is pointless explaining these things to you. You never listen.” Laughing at the now impatient Marcus, she reached down for her equipment and her weapon, a modified SCAR rifle. As she put on her cloak and wrapped a scarf around her neck, Elly realizes how exhausting this day has been, rubbing her forehead she closed her eyes for a moment.

“You okay? Let me help with your stuff” Marcus didn’t wait for a response and took one of Elly’s rucksacks’.

“Thanks! Buy you a beer when we get back. Promise!” Elly flashed one of those smiles Marcus rarely ever sees. “This desert just saps the life out you doesn’t it? Heat, sand, sand fucking sand everywhere”

“You got that right!” grunting as he swung Elly’s pack over his own. Marcus glanced at Elly as she was dusting sand off her coat. Elly was pretty if not for all that grime and sand all over her blonde hair and tired looking face. Hauntingly beautiful, with a slim athletic body and intelligence far exceeding those of her peers, Elly has always been a cut above the rest.

“Stop staring Marcus, you’re gonna pop a vein!” nudging him playfully as she was adjusting her ponytail.

“Right, let’s just pick up the pace will you?”

“You are so cute when you get defensive, you know that? Anyway there’s our ride” Elly pointed into the distance into a vague silhouette, as the sandstorm was obscuring much of their vision. “Let’s hurry, I need to show this to Chelsea back at base-camp, she’s been looking for these things for some time now.” As she talked she patted the pouch that held the small sphere every now and then.

Elly and Marcus approached their vehicle, a black battered old Humvee, with a mounted gun above it. Marcus had heavily modified it with additional armor plating, and gotten rid of unnecessary things, like most of the air-conditioning. Which Elly was vehemently against. All in all it was very practical and sturdy, though, as Elly put it, ”a bitch to ride in”.

“There we go, I’m hungry, the sooner we get back the better.” Chucking all his stuff in the back he quickly got into the drivers’ seat and started the engine.

“Is food all you ever think about? At least we didn’t encounter any of those bandits today. Hunger would be the least of your concerns” chuckling as she slid into the front seat and tossing her bags behind her.

“ ‘Your’? you mean ‘our’ concerns. Right?” Marcus said in a sarcastic tone. “Elly I’ve seen you handle yourself in countless firefights and trust there’s no one I’d rather have watching my ass”

“Ass? Haha! No thanks, but seriously thank you, I must admit I am a pretty good shot with Betty here” she said while gently running her fingers on the inscription ‘Betty’ on the rifle sitting on her lap.

“Shit, remember when you took out that nickel a mile away? I lost a LOT of money that day.” Marcus said while shaking his head. “Inflating your ego aside, you got skills lady”

“Ego inflated” Elly burst out laughing “Lets go silly”

“ Yeah, was getting tired of this place anyway. And your ramblings” as the Humvee drove away it kicked up a cloud of dust.

The dust settled on a small road-sign that was almost completely buried in sand.

Welcome to Alaska.

The date is July 23, 2031.

(Note: This still lacks a hell of a lot more descriptive's and character development shit. But don't worry were working on it. Expect constant edits)

What IS this I don't even???

"What is this I don't even" << I know, this is going through your head right now. If anyone AT ALL, has come across this blog, and read this far up the posts, you must think by now that whoever/whatever is behind this blog, is akin to a tribe of illiterate monkeys high on meth. You are correct.

"What the hell is this shit???" - Bear upon seeing RSP

Anyway enjoy the next story we came up with. Its far from finished yet, and it's just a tiny part of the planned prologue.

Increase your Blog Traffic

I've been poring FREE-PORN through a ton of blogs, using the "Next Blog>" thing in teh navbar FREE-PORN above mah blog, and I've FREEPORN discovered that the secret  to improving my blogs  traffic is adding popular FREE-PORN keywords that people usually search for (increasing chances for them to land on your blog). I recently also FREE-PORN discovered that FREE-PORN quality content makes your FREE-PORN blog more desirable. That and a fucking shitload of pictures and videos. I mean after all who want's to look at a plain looking blog, with so many words? amirite? That would always usually FREE-PORN end up having an invisible "tl;dr" tag at the bottom.*Yawn* In summary FREE-PORN constant keyword repetition + FREE-PORN pics & vids + = epic blog FREE-PORN.

OMG FREEPORN!!1!!!11

Come on guys, I already know..

 ..That we are FUNNY, INTERESTING, COOL. So we would appreciate more comments and general feedback. Its that little "comments" thingy below every post. Click it and say something. And forget starting a flame-war because this blog is absolutely devoid of traffic (I'm still working on remedying that). Oh, and please don't hack mah blog. Kthxbi.

DO NOT WANT

Zombie Diary Dawn Apocalypse Dead (Episode 2)

Now anyone sane would have put together blood, gore and shuffling as = WTFBBQ ZOMBIES!!!!! But since we are witless morons, that shit just doesn’t compute fast enough. So there was Asskicker being grabbed by zombie Al, and the rest of us screaming like little girls.

Bossman: omg omg omg omg omg omg AAAAA!

Masterchief: What the shit! AAAAA!

Arbiter: I need to take a dump. AAAAA!

As AK’s struggle for life and death ensued, he finally realized this was no drunk dude, this was A zombeh. Dodging the zombies wild lunges, he did the thing he knew would bring down any living organism in this world. KICK ITS FUCKING NUTS. Which had catastrophic results to AK. As this was not obvious enough already.

Asskicker: Why wont…*nut kick* you…*nut kick* go..*nut kick* down!

MC: HEEYY! AK get back here! You’re going to get yourself killed, which is fine, if only this story needed just three dudes to survive.

AB: Yeah, come on before they swarm you like flies, to a piece of shit.

AK: OKAY, enough with teh insults already!...*runs*

We the protagonist’s are now clearly aware of the danger around us, fucking zombies everywhere! Everything beyond the bridge that connects us to the city is now swamped with the dead.

AB: We have to warn our families, friends and loved ones.

BM: Didn’t everyone leave for town for that free luncheon the Mayor was throwing for the coming elections?

AB: Forget that shit, lets GTFO, they’re already dead.

MC & AK: KK

Alas when this kind of crisis besets you, you have to go on “ME” mode. Fuck everyone else is the moral lesson here. IF the crisis is a goddamned ZOMBEH crisis.

BM: Okay game-plan, we skip town and head for the hills. Done.

AK: A sound plan if I ever heard one.

MC: Are you both retarded?! That’s it?

AB: Like, aren’t we going to go looting and stuff?

Come on, at some point in our lives we dreamt of looting the crap out of those stores with those expensive sneakers, shirts, cell-phones etc. So it really does all come into play in a zombie apocalypse, the urge to loot. Anarchy, screaming, chaos, what better time to rob the local grocery of everything, amirite?

BM: Cut the chatter. Shhh.

AB: What?

BM: I’m texting.

MC: Shit, look! *points to bridge*

AK: That is a fuckload of zombies! I’m outta here.

AB: Not good, they’re running right at us! FUCK!!!

See, in our story zombies can RUN, for like as long as rigor mortis hasn’t set in yet. Something like that, just don’t ask me how. So there we were running for our sad pathetic little lives. 5 minutes into the sprint.

MC: Damn, my *gasp* legs are *gasp killing* me.

AB: No shit, I think I crapped myself.

BM: SRSLY?

AK: Come on were close to the next town, keep pushing.

AB: My feces? I know it ever..

AK: STFU

BM: I heard there was some sort of temporary military outpost over there.

Now in all zombie flicks we know the first “military outpost/haven” is almost always guaranteed to be overrun with zombies. Always. Let that sink in for a moment.

BM: Fuck, that horde of a thousand zombies is just right behind us!!!!

AB: Goddamn! Were dead.

MC: And I am tired like *vomits*

Ewww… well that just adds to the grit of the story amirite?

AK: Look! Over there the bridge to the next town, but somebody blew it up.

MC: I think we can jump over it.

AB: No time to think shitheads just jump..*jumps*

BM: Are you sure we can clear that….? What..? Shit!!

MC: Stop whining…!! *holds BM and slings him across*

AK: *deep breaths* lets get this over with *jumps*

AB: Come on MC jump! They’re right behind you!!

MC: Wait I think I dropped something..

OMFG JUMP ALREADY!!!!

Okay I think my balls are sweating from the excitement from all that. No not really. We’ll be continuing this next time as I’ve exhausted my brain juice over this. MOAR to come soon. 

ED will Increase your Learnings

Kawaii! See? ED is harmless. Go there nao.

Here's the link. Encyclopedia Dramatica, Desensitize yourself nao. You owe it to yourself, because if you are reading this blog, chances are, you waste 40% of your day on the internets. Plus it will make you immune to all the shit the internets has to offer. Excluding ED of course.

How not to get pawned by the Undead Hordes

Click here to learn more on Zombie Survival. You can thank me later. You'll be sorry you didn't click that link when you're surrounded by flesh eating sacks of rotten flesh. Chow time.

You might need this also.

Zombie Diary Dawn Apocalypse Dead (Episode I)

It was a cold afternoon, about 5 o’clock, the usual time we gather around the run down hut with no walls and with only a flimsy roof made of tree branches for shelter, much like how early apes would have designed them. Since we have basically nil engineering aptitude. So as I was saying, there we were entertaining ourselves with talks about shit weather, stinky dogs, and other fucked-up stuff.

MasterChief: Shit weather were having.

Bossman: Yeah, I saw a stinky dog pass by just a moment ago.

Asskicker: That is some fucked-up stuff guys.

Arbiter: Assfags.

As you can tell, we clearly don’t give a damn about proper thought arrangement. When suddenly we hear some commotion and rioting about a couple yards away from us.

MC: …And I was like strafing to the left when I saw you, then bam! I shot you in the head.

AK: I know! Right? There I was thinking you’d step into the claymore I planted on the ceiling. Fuck.

BM: *TEXT* *IDIOTIC SMILE*

AB: Where did I put that rock?

 When suddenly we hear some COMMOTION AND RIOTING about a couple YARDS away from us.

AK: Shit guys, I hear some really intense shit going on.

MC: It sounds like COMMOTION AND RIOTING about a couple YARDS away from us.

AB: Which has already been said.

BM: What was..? wait got a text..*TEXT* *TEXT*

A normal person would have gone straight home, check the news, the net, or gossip with the neighbors. But 

FUCK that. We are straight up motherfucking HARDCORE.

MC: Gah!, I think someone should go check up what’s going on over by the bridge.

AK: Looks like some kind of parade. LOL.

BM: They look like they ‘re stumbling around and shit. Probably came from the pub.

AB: Yeah, and all that blood does not seem odd to you at all.

MC, AK, BM: No, hey they do have blood on them!

MC: Meh

By the way, never use LOL, or any type of meme acronym in real life. That is very retarded, and you will be subject to over 9000 years of ridicule.

AK: Okay I’ll go check it out, gimme a cigarette.

AB: Oh hey! Look it’s our buddy Al, I think he’s with them drunk dudes on the street.

MC: Wonder why that fucker never told us about it.

So there goes AK up our makeshift mud/dirt ridden foot –trail from the hut up on to the street.

AK: HEY HOMEBOY, what y’all doing there? I see we were NOT invited to the party? What’s up with that?

Al (ZOMBIE): Urrrrrggh

AK: Shit, that must have been one hell of a drinking frenzy you had there.

AK still oblivious to all the blood oozing out from Al’s empty right eye socket offers him a smoke.

AK: Hey have a smoke looks like you ne….fuck! dude you tried to bite.. oh SHIT!

Oh Shit alright, the moment AK started screaming was the moment, how should I put it, SHIT HIT THE FAN. Oh noes’ !!!!! Time to panic mother fuckers!

I Wanted to Post Something with Substance but..

Fuck Substance too.

Fuck that. I have not had enough time lately to keep this crap blog as updated as I wanted it to be. So I really tried my best to come up with something and dredged my fevered mind for material. Here's the result. ENJOY.
Everybody loves zombies amirite? More stories to come, don't worry fucktards.